Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Reunited and it feels so good and bad

Do you think this is the best time to change my blog format? I've been thinking a lot lately, though I am still overwhelmed with Bella's arrival last Monday, 16th May, I still couldn't ignore this nagging feeling inside of me. Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to be with Bella. This is what I longed for eversince we separated, but then again is this really what's best for her? All I ever wanted was for her to have a happy childhood which will be her foundation when she grows up. One wrong move from us, her parents, might cause something big for her. Am I being selfish when all I wanted was for us family to be together, but is Bella being with us in a foreign country solve it? Where she would be far away from her cousins, her playmates and kid neighbors. Will she be growing up in a normal environment? I work, Far-ouT works as well, My mom and Bella will be left for 8 hours and more in our flat. Its just so sad just thinking how she'll spend hours without playmates, 5 days a week. Will she be thanking us for sending her in Dubai to be with us or will she hates us in the future for doing so?

I heard a lot of negative feedbacks on the kids of Dubai. They have this Paris Hilton kind of attitude. I'm scared that I will not be able to instill values to my daughter with this kind of lifestyle. I want to raise her to be a good person. I don't want to be a failure.

I wish this guilt feeling and worry will go away. I hope I had done the right decision. I pray that this change of life has a positive effect on her.

On happy thoughts, I couldn't believe that my Bella is really here with us after almost 8 months of being an absent nanay. Being able to embrace her, to see her smile, to pacify her when she's hurt. To bathe her, feed her just like the old times was the best feeling in the world.

On Mame and Bella's day 1 in Dubai, I introduce them to IKEA. Especially to Mame who's fond of everything about house. She was awed with all the beatiful designs of bedroom, kitchen, dining area etc.

Bella on the otherhand is still adjusting to her time. Most of the 2 days was spent eating and sleeping. Her body clock is still Philippine time. Hope she'll recover soon from the time difference.

More to come.

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